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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25889557">Does No One Notice or Does No One Care?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TobiasHankel/pseuds/TobiasHankel'>TobiasHankel</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Criminal Minds (US TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Ambiguous/Open Ending, Bisexual Spencer Reid, Blood, Cutting, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Intrusive Thoughts, One Shot, Past Drug Addiction, Razors, Sad Spencer Reid, Self-Harm, Team Bonding, Team Feels, Team as Family, Triggers, author has Problems</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 10:54:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,927</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25889557</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TobiasHankel/pseuds/TobiasHankel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The BAU team thinks something is wrong with Spencer Reid, but they aren't too sure what so they let it go. They are shocked when they finally confront the young man.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>370</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Does No One Notice or Does No One Care?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/FoggyBlues/gifts">FoggyBlues</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Trigger Warning: Mention of past drug use and graphic description of self-harm.<br/>The words in bold and italics are intrusive thoughts, not voices.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hotch was the first one to notice.</p><p>Reid started to always wear long sleeves, no matter the weather or occasion. He stopped rolling his sleeves up and instead always kept them buttoned. He didn’t think anything of it, as the young man always had a strange fashion sense.</p><p>It wasn’t until a case that brought them to Miami in the middle of summer, did Hotch get a little worried. The whole team, except Garcia, was at a mass grave that was found in the outskirts of town. It had to be at least 100 degrees. Everyone was sweating and had dressed down to short sleeves or dress shirts with rolled-up sleeves, all except Reid.</p><p>He was wearing a dark purple button-up that was starting to stick to his skin due to sweat, but he never rolled the sleeves up. His long hair was sticking to his forehead, he was clearly hot, but he never complained.</p><p>JJ was the first to say something. “Spence, you look hot. Why don’t you roll up your sleeves or change into a short sleeve shirt? Our go-bags are still in the SUVs.”</p><p>Hotch watched as Reid tugged his shirt sleeves down even further, “I am fine, thanks. Did you know that long sleeves can protect your skin from the sun, causing you to actually be cooler than if you were in short sleeves?” Reid said effortlessly. JJ looked like she believed it but Hotch quirked his eyebrow. It wasn’t sunny. The sky was an ominous shade of deep gray as it was about to rain. Hotch looked over at the team and Emily looked a little confused at the statement as well.</p><p>--</p><p>Morgan was the next one to notice.</p><p>It was during the anthrax case. Reid was infected with anthrax and was put in the decontamination shower before being taken to the hospital. Morgan tried to stay with Reid, but he insisted that he leave.</p><p>“Reid, I am seeing you off to the hospital,” Morgan said as they hosed Reid down. He watched as one of the suited techs tried to unbutton his dress shirt sleeve, but Reid ripped his arm away, grabbing his wrist.</p><p>“I am about to get naked, so they can scrub me down.. Is that really something that you want to see?” Reid asked Morgan in a humorous tone, but his eyes looked desperate. As if he were begging Morgan to leave.</p><p>Morgan nodded, “Alright.. I will see you at the hospital then..” He said as he started to walk off, but something wasn’t right. He lingered for a few minutes, just within earshot.</p><p>He was sure that Reid was probably undressing by now but instead of hearing the doctor give him instructions, he heard her say, “Dr. Reid.. Did you cut yourself?”</p><p>Morgan heard a barely audible Reid say, “Please don’t tell my team..” It didn’t make any sense. Why would he get hurt and not want us to know? How could he even get hurt? He has been with Reid most of the day. The only thing he could think of was a thorn from the rose bushes they passed, but he checked Reid’s hand himself, it didn’t break the skin.</p><p>He pushed the thought out of his mind, focusing on the case.</p><p>Once the case was over, Morgan went to the hospital to sit with Reid. He looked at Reid’s thin but long body in the hospital bed and thought about how young he looked. He knew he was only six years older than Reid, but Reid looked impossibly young. He also noticed that Reid was the only patient he had seen dressed in a robe in the hospital bed. The other anthrax victims were dressed in only a hospital gown, but someone took the time to put a robe on Reid’s unconscious body.</p><p>Hotch stopped by before Reid woke up and the small detail of the long sleeve robe wasn’t lost on him either. While Hotch, Morgan and Emily all had their concerns, no one said anything. Instead Hotch requested a full tox screen on Reid while he was at the hospital. He blamed it on being thorough, needing it for his records to show that he was poisoned, but really he was worried that the young man was using again.</p><p>Shooting up was the only think Hotch could think of to explain Reid’s modest dress and strange behavior, then again, he didn’t display any of the symptoms he did last time he was using.</p><p>The tox screen was negative for any drug use, legal or illegal.</p><p>--</p><p>Hotch sat at his desk and looked out into the bullpen. He could see Morgan, Prentiss and Reid all working on paperwork. He wasn’t sure what to do about Reid, if there was even anything he should be doing. His work was not affected, his mood seemed fine, there was no evidence of drug use. The only thing he had was long sleeves and a bad feeling.</p><p>Hotch watched Reid for a few more minutes before he noticed Reid scratch at his forearm. It wasn’t the crook of his elbow like he did when he was craving Dilaudid. It was an inch or two from his wrist. After a minute, Reid got up. He grabbed his messenger bag and silently made his way to the restroom. Hotch watched as Emily and Morgan gave each other a look. Like they were both wondering why Reid needed his messenger bag in the restroom, but neither one said anything.</p><p>Hotch was equally confused. He thought back and realized that Reid always took his messenger bag to the restroom with him.. Well, at least he did lately. Hotch wanted to let it go, but there was something he just couldn’t put his finger on. He got up and stuck his head out of his office door, “Prentiss, Morgan. My office now.” The two agents quickly got up, looking confused and shuffled their way to Hotch’s office. “Shut the door and take a seat, please.”</p><p>Morgan sat down first, “I didn’t do anything.” He quickly said as if he were in trouble with the principal.</p><p>Hotch didn’t laugh though, “No. You two aren’t in trouble… I just wanted to ask. Does Reid seem okay to you two?”</p><p>Emily and Morgan just looked at each other but didn’t say anything. Finally, Emily said, “He seems a bit.. off.”</p><p>“Off? Can you explain further?” Hotch asked.</p><p>“Well.. I am not sure. He seems fine. Almost too fine. Like it is an act.” Emily starts and Morgan quickly follows.</p><p>“Yeah, and he doesn’t wanna hang out anymore. We used to watch a movie or something at least twice a month but now, nothing. Garcia said the same thing. He always gives a reason and they seem so believable but like how can he be <em>that</em> busy when he didn’t used to be..”</p><p>Hotch leaned back in his chair with a huff. “How long do you think this has been going on?”</p><p>Emily shrugged, “A few months at least”</p><p>But Morgan furrowed his eyebrows, “I think closer to a year..”</p><p>Before Hotch could say anything else, he catches eye of Reid heading back into the bullpen to his desk. He looked tired. Almost as if he were crying but it was barely noticeable. Morgan and Emily got up and watched him as well.</p><p>JJ came out to the pen and stopped Reid before he made it to his desk. She said something they couldn’t hear and reached out to touch Reid’s arm in a friendly manner, but Reid pulled back sharply. He said something, probably an excuse, and they both laughed before JJ left.</p><p>“What the hell was that?” Morgan asked but no one answered as they were still watching Reid with a trained eye. He carefully put his bag on the back of his chair and sat down. He looked around the room before holding his right wrist. He almost looked in pain for a moment before he got back to work.</p><p>The three agents continue talking about Reid for a few more minutes before they decided to just keep an eye on the young genius. They couldn’t come up with any reason for Reid’s behavior.</p><p>--</p><p>Hotch knew something needed to be done when Rossi said something.</p><p>“What’s up with the kid?” Rossi asked a few weeks later when Hotch was working in his office.</p><p>“What do you mean?” Hotch asked, putting his pen down to focus on Rossi. The veteran profiler often sat back and watched people but rarely said anything about what he thought unless he felt it was important.</p><p>Rossi shut the door and sat down on Hotch’s office sofa. “I am not sure. He just seems off. He has seemed off for a while, but I just asked him a question about the crime in Seattle and he just gave me direct stats instead of a rant..” Hotch sighed and crossed his arms as he normally did when he was thinking hard about something. “What is it, Aaron?” Rossi said.</p><p>“You aren’t the first one to notice is all..”</p><p>Rossi nods, “Yeah, didn’t think so. What do you think is going on?”</p><p>“I have no idea,” Hotch starts, “I thought that he might be using again but I pulled his tox screen after he had anthrax and he is clean.”</p><p>Rossi looked dumbfounded, “Using? The kid was on drugs and working here?”</p><p>Hotch sent Rossi a glare, “It’s not like that. You remember reading about the Tobias Hankel case?” Rossi nodded his head. “Well the case file left out the fact that Reid was the one that was kidnapped, and he was drugged with Dilaudid repeatedly for almost three days. When he got back, he was addicted.. He got clean though.. all by himself.” Hotch said but his meaning was clear. <em>Alone. He faced his issues alone while the team pretended nothing was wrong.</em></p><p>Rossi nodded his head again. “Okay.. So, he isn’t using. What does the rest of the team think?</p><p>“I have only spoken to Morgan and Prentiss and while they agree something is going on, they aren’t sure what,” Hotch said.</p><p>Rossi stood up, “Well, why don’t we just ask him?”</p><p>Hotch stayed quiet. He didn’t want to sit back and do nothing like he did last time Reid needed him, but he also didn’t want to get in his business. Hotch stood up too, having made up his mind. He walked out of the door and looked down to the bullpen, where Reid, Morgan and Emily were sitting. He cleared his throat, getting the three agents’ attention. “Conference room, now. Morgan, go get Garcia. Prentiss, go get JJ. And Reid?”</p><p>“Mm?” Reid quirked his eyebrows at the unit chief.</p><p>“The mail is late. Can you head down to the mail office and see what is taking them so long before meeting us?” Hotch asked without a hint of his true reasoning. Reid nodded, pulled his messenger bag over his shoulder, and headed to the elevator.</p><p>It only took a minute for the team to gather around the conference room table. “We have a case?” Morgan asked as he sat down.</p><p>“I didn’t get anything..” JJ said back, sitting across from him.</p><p>Hotch stood in the front of the conference room, looking serious as ever. “No. No case.. I need to talk to you all about Reid.” The profilers in the room nodded their head in agreement but the two non-profilers, Garcia and JJ, looked confused. “Now, we only have a few minutes before Reid comes back.. I have already spoken to Prentiss, Morgan, and Rossi about this but Garcia, JJ, have you two noticed anything?”</p><p>The two looked a little confused, looking at each other before Garcia started, “Well he hasn’t wanted to go out with me lately.. He stopped coming by my lair just to chat too.”</p><p>“Yeah, he doesn’t stop in my office anymore when he is bored. He just reads at his desk or steps out of the office.” JJ added. “Is that really something to be worried about though? Maybe he is just a little depressed. I mean, with our jobs, who wouldn’t be?”</p><p>Hotch huffed, “I think it is more than that.. And I don’t want it to be like <em>last time</em>.” Everyone looked a little guilty. They all knew Hotch was referring to Reid’s drug problem that no one helped him with.</p><p>“You don’t think..” Garcia started to ask but Hotch shook his head.</p><p>“In full disclosure, I asked for a copy of his tox screen after he had anthrax. He is clean.”</p><p>Emily peered out of the window from her seat, checking the bullpen for any signs of Reid. Before saying, “Are you sure? It would explain his long sleeves.”</p><p>“Long sleeves?” JJ asked</p><p>Morgan nodded, “The kid has only been wearing long sleeves for some time now.. Remember the case in Miami? It was like 100 degrees of sweaty hell and he refused to wear short sleeves or roll his sleeves up.”</p><p>“That.. That’s not that big of a deal though, right?” JJ asked.</p><p>“Wearing inappropriate clothes for the weather is a sign of trouble.” Rossi asked.</p><p>JJ furrowed her eyebrows, “Trouble such as?”</p><p>“Drug use.. Domestic violence—”</p><p>Morgan cut Rossi off, “Domestic violence? No way. A female being the offender in domestic violence isn’t that uncommon, but they are normally one-time things, not something regular enough to leave marks he would always have to cover.”</p><p>“He could have a boyfriend.” Emily suggested.</p><p>“No way, the kid is not gay.” Morgan shot back. He didn’t have a problem with queer people, he just didn’t believe that his friend could be queer, and he wouldn’t have known.</p><p>Garcia laughed, “Really pumpkin? I mean he hasn’t told me anything, but I have definitely caught him checking out chicks as well as dudes.”</p><p>“Anyway..” Hotch said, directing the attention back to him, “Does anyone know if he is in a relationship?”</p><p>Several team members shook their heads, but JJ spoke up. “He had told me about his dates before, but he hasn’t told me anything. I really don’t think he is dating anyone right now..”</p><p>“What else could it be?” Emily asked, looking at Rossi.</p><p>“Well.. There are a few more reasons. To protect against the sun, blocking UVA/UVB rays but he rarely is outside. It could be body image issues, skin conditions, he could have gotten a tattoo, sensory issues or.. he could be self-harming.”</p><p>The team reacted to the last option. “Oh, shit..” Morgan said, sitting up in his chair.</p><p>Hotch deepened his glare, “What is it?”</p><p>“When Reid had anthrax, I told him I would go with him to the hospital and a tech went to unbutton his sleeve and he ripped his arm away. Then he said how he was about to have to get naked so they could wash him. I stepped away but stayed where I could still hear.. I heard the doc ask him if he cut himself and he told her not to tell us… I thought it was just an accident. It didn’t make sense.. But now..”</p><p>“That would make sense…” Emily started. “Odd behavior, seemingly depressed but acting fine, always taking his bag with him, always wearing long sleeves…”</p><p>JJ looked uneasy, “I—I once caught him coming out of the restroom and he had blood on his sleeve… He said he bumped his arm on the paper towel holder… I had no reason not to believe him..”</p><p>“He has been pretty guarded about his arms..” Rossi added and Hotch followed.</p><p>“I have seen him rubbing and scratching his arms as well..”</p><p>Garcia put his hand over her mouth, “No. No way… Why would he even do that to himself?”</p><p>“It’s a form of self-soothing.. There can be a number of different reasons..”</p><p>--</p><p>Reid made his way down to the mail office. He tried to ignore the itch he was already feeling in his skin. The mail staff told him that they already delivered the mail to Hotch, so Reid headed back to the BAU.</p><p>
  <em>Why would he send me down here for no reason? Maybe he just forgot.. </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>He rarely forgets.. He wanted to get rid of me.. I am just annoying them.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>No.. Stop thinking that.. That isn’t true.. I am a valuable member of the team.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>I am a walking computer. I would be easily replaced by Google. I am worthless. Nothing but a brain in a too thin, scar covered body. </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Damnit.. </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Cut. I deserve it. </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>Reid was already heading to the restroom. He double-checked that no one else was in the stalls before locking the bathroom door. He stared at himself in the mirror. The bags under his eyes were part of his everyday look now. His cheekbones were slightly more prominent as his cheeks were more hollow, thinner. He always looked normal. As if he wasn’t regularly slicing his skin open to feel some sort of relief. As if he was actually sleeping at night and eating regularly.</p><p>He set his messenger bag on the counter and quickly found his kit. A little box full of first aid items and a few razor blades. He looked at his clothed sleeves.</p><p>
  <em>Which one this time.. Eeny, meeny, miny, moe. Left arm it is.</em>
</p><p>Reid carefully unbuttoned and rolled up his shirt sleeve. His arm, elbow to wrist, was covered in marks. Some new, still wearing fresh band-aids, others were scabbed over, trying to heal without being scratched open or picked at. Others were faded, pink or white, scars that blurred the skin they were resting on. They spoke of a long-existing habit.</p><p>He grabbed one of the razors, selected a spot on his arm that didn’t already hold a fresh mark and gently pressed his razor into the pale flesh. He sliced against it, causing blood to bubble up before he even got a chance to pull the razor back.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>More. </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>Reid continued, slicing two more times right under the first mark. Blood was starting to run down his arm and into the sink under him.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>More. Deeper. You deserve this.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>Tears started to run down Reid’s cheeks. He did not often cry while cutting, despite the stereotype of the sad, typically teenage girl, crying as they cut. This habit wasn’t about releasing his emotions. It was about suppressing them. Calming his mind. Feeling the rush of endorphins flooding his nerves, giving him a sense of well-being and happiness.</p><p>
  <strong><em>CUT MORE</em>.</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Four.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Five.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Six.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>One more. Deeper.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>Reid pressed the blade a fraction deeper in his skin before he ripped it across.</p><p>
  <em>Seven..</em>
</p><p>Blood was running down his arm and pooling into the sink. It wasn’t too much blood, not even close but it was enough. He felt like he could breathe again. His mind was quieter, even for just a minute. Just a moment of relief. He watched the blood for another minute before turning on the sink and running his arm under the warm water. It burned slightly but not in an unpleasant way.</p><p>He knew he was running late. He had been in the restroom for at least five minutes and Hotch was expecting him. He made quick work of washing his arm and blade, holding a paper towel to the bleeding wounds, and putting his blade away. He searched his kit but couldn’t find the large bandages he was looking for.</p><p><em>Shit.. I ran out.. </em>He took out a few smaller bandages. <em>I hope these work.. </em> Reid carefully bandaged his still slowly bleeding arm, waiting for a minute to make sure the bandages held and then rolled down his sleeve, buttoning it back. He gathered his things and looked back for any signs of blood before leaving.</p><p>He walked quickly to the conference room. As he walked through the bullpen he could see his team sitting around the table and Hotch standing in the front, but nothing was on the projector, which was odd.</p><p>As he walked up to the door he could hear the end of what Hotch was saying, “…self-soothing.. There can be a number of different reasons..”</p><p>He opened the door and made his way to the open seat, “Sorry that took so long. They said they delivered the mail already, but I waited around until they double-checked that they didn’t have anything for you.” Reid said with a small smile. He noticed everyone was staring at him, not just looking because he just spoke but staring with intent. “Uhh.. So, what is going on? Do we have a case?”</p><p>Everyone just looked around at each other before looking up at Hotch. “No.. Just having a meeting.”</p><p>Reid looked confused, “About what?”</p><p>“Well.. you.” Hotch ignored Reid’s dumbfounded expression and kept going, “We are worried about you. Is everything okay?”</p><p>Reid was panicking slightly but hid it well. “Yep, totally fine. I don’t understand why you all needed a meeti—”</p><p>“How about your mom?” JJ asked, interrupting Reid.</p><p>“She is fine.. The same. What—”</p><p>This time Emily interrupted, “Are you dating anyone?”</p><p>That question bothered Reid. It was none of their business who he dated.. Not that he had been feeling up to dating anyone lately.. “No.” He said sharply.</p><p>“Well, something is going on with you, kid. There has to be something.” Morgan said.</p><p>Reid stood up, “I don’t get what you all are doing. I haven’t been acting off and there is nothing wrong.” Reid was visibly upset. He grabbed his messenger bag and threw it over his shoulder. “If there is no case, then I am going back to work.”</p><p>Hotch thought he might have been wrong. That the team might have just been spending too much time with the young man and were picking up on things that weren’t actually there. That was until he saw it. When Reid threw his bag on his shoulder, Hotch saw a patch of blood on Reid’s left arm. It was hard to tell due to the dark blue shirt Reid was wearing but he had seen enough blood in his career to know better. “Reid, what is on your sleeve?”</p><p>Reid automatically looked down at the spot on his arm that he had just cut. Sure enough, his sleeve was wet with blood. <em>Damnit.. </em>Reid pressed his hand into the wet spot instinctively. “I—uhh.. Nothing. I hit my arm on a letter opener in the mail office.” Reid stuttered out. No one believed him though. “I have to go,” Reid said before making a beeline for the door, only to be stopped by Morgan. He had made fast work, standing up and moving in front of the closed door.</p><p>“Come on, Pretty Boy.. Sit down. Let’s just talk,” Morgan said in a gentler voice.</p><p>Reid, still holding his arm, wasn’t sure what to do. There was no space to slip around Morgan, but he wasn’t going to just sit down and tell them what he had been doing to himself. There had to be a way out.</p><p>“Spence.. Come on. It’s okay. You can tell us.” JJ said. Reid hadn’t even noticed that JJ had gotten up as well and was only a few feet from him. She was looking down at his arm, which didn’t help.</p><p>Reid’s breathing started to pick up. Roughly pulling and pushing out of his lungs. He knew he was panicking but he didn’t know how to stop it. “No.. N-nothing is w-wrong, please..”</p><p>Hotch stayed where he was at but spoke in an uncharacteristically kind voice, “Spencer.. You aren’t in trouble. We just want to help.”</p><p>Reid’s breathing picked up even more and he was starting to feel dizzy.</p><p>
  <em>I thought they wouldn’t notice but they found out! They know! </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>They were probably talking about how weak I am.. Laughing at me. Thinking I am nothing more than a pathetic kid that couldn’t shoot his way out of a wet paper bag..</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>Reid’s thoughts were making it hard to hear. He knew the team was just talking, trying to calm him down but all he could hear was his own mind.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>They don’t actually care. No one cares. I need to hurt again. Cut again. More blood. Make it stop.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>Reid started pushing his fingers into the cuts on his arm. His shirt and the bandages were in the way but that didn’t matter. He just needed to feel the pain. Have it ground him and take him out of this hell. He could feel more blood on his hand, but he didn’t care.</p><p>His vision was blurry, but he felt someone pull his hand away from his arm. A hand was on each of his shoulders, guiding him to the sofa on the side of the room. He fought the hands and struggled to get his hand back on his cuts.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>I am not done. I need more. It needs to stop.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>He was fighting to breathe. Fighting his friends.</p><p>Then he passed out.</p><p>--</p><p>“Spence.. Spence!” JJ yelled when Reid closed his eyes and slumped over.</p><p>Hotch helped lay his body down, “It’s fine. He just passed out. Probably for the best. Garcia?” Hotch said and looked over by the door where Garcia was, out of the way from what was happening. Her eyes were welling with tears.</p><p>“Y-yes, sir?”</p><p>“It will be okay, Garcia. Please go get the first aid kit.” Hotch instructed. “And someone shut the blinds.”</p><p>Emily went over to the blinds and shut them as Garcia left. Hotch reached out and started unbuttoning Reid’s dress shirt but Morgan stopped him, “Woah, man. You can’t just take off his shirt. He is not conscious.”</p><p>“He is actively bleeding and wearing an undershirt. Besides, he can’t keep wearing this shirt anyway, it’s covered in blood.” Hotch said and Morgan nodded. He still felt wrong about it though.</p><p>Hotch quickly unbuttoned his shirt and eyed Rossi to help him move Reid’s light body out of the shirt sleeves.</p><p>“Oh my God… Spence…” JJ gasped when she saw Reid’s arms.</p><p>They were a roadmap of cuts and scars. Everyone just stared. They knew he was having a problem, but they had no idea it was this.. or that it was this bad.</p><p>Even Hotch’s typically stoic and hardened face was wide-mouthed in shock from the marks all over the young man. He reached his hand out and ran his fingers delicately over the scars and healing cuts. “I—I had no idea he was doing this…”</p><p>“None of us knew it was.. this,” Rossi told Hotch and Morgan nodded.</p><p>“You know we would have helped him sooner if we knew. We just thought he was a little down and had developed a weird fashion sense.” Morgan said. He looked like he was about to cry as well but he held it in. Unlike JJ, who had tears running down her cheeks and was being comforted by Emily.</p><p>Garcia came back a minute later and reacted the same way. She saw the months of pain written all over his arms and she broke down, sobbing openly as Morgan held her.</p><p>Hotch, with Rossi’s help, cleaned and rebandaged Reid’s cuts. “These are fresh.. He did this right before coming to the conference room..”</p><p>“Why? Why would he do that?” Emily asked.</p><p>Before anyone could answer, Reid started to stir awake. He opened his eyes and shot up, sitting up quickly. He looked down at his arms and tears started running down his cheeks. “I—I—” He crossed his arms as if he were trying to hide them.</p><p>
  <em>Fuck! What am I going to do?!</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>They think I am disgusting. I am going to get fired.. I am so worthless!</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>Reid put his hands on his face in embarrassment. He wanted to run away but Hotch’s voice pulled him out of his head.</p><p>“It’s okay, Spencer. Everything will be okay.”</p><p>“How?!” Reid yelled, “You all think I am disgusting! I mean, what kind of freak—”</p><p>“Stop that right there, Spencer,” Morgan said. He looked extremely upset, a mix of anger and overwhelming sadness.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>He hates me now. They all hate me.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>“None of us think you are disgusting, a freak or anything. Yeah, we are all upset that you have been doing this to yourself but not upset at you.” Morgan said. It took everything he had not to cry. “We are upset about not noticing.. Not helping…”</p><p>“Helping?” Reid asked, not too sure why. He moved his arms down in front of his body and stared at the self-destructive habit he had been hiding there.</p><p>“Yes, Spence.. We want to help you. We <em>will</em> help you.” JJ said.</p><p>“It’s too late for help! Look at me!” Reid said, raising his arms and showing them outwards, cuts and scars fully on display. JJ winced slightly but walked over to Reid anyway. She kneeled down and gently placed her hand over Reid’s new bandage.</p><p>“It is never too late.. You can get past this.”</p><p>Reid shook his head as more tears made their way down his cheeks. “I—I have tried..” He looked around the room at his team, his family. “I have tried so many times, but it always calls me back. My mind will scream at me and my skin will itch to be cut open. I… I hate it! I wish I could stop!”</p><p>“You will. We are going to help you every step of the way.” Rossi said, giving the young man a warm smile.</p><p>Hotch smiled as well, “You can start again tomorrow. You can always start again tomorrow.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This work was brought to you by a new therapist, a good friend, a mentally unwell author, and System of the Down (band) on repeat. </p><p>The last line comes straight from FoggyBlues, who this work is gifted too because they are awesome. Check their work out, it's great.</p><p>Email: damn.tobias.hankel@gmail.com</p><p>Tumblr: <a href="https://tobias-hankel.tumblr.com/">https://tobias-hankel.tumblr.com/</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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